the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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