My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
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Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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