More tranny stories later!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
