is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize