friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
