i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
