saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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