Quick, to the slutcave!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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