the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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