so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
