im drinking this country out of the recession.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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