So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
