Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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