I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
