My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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