The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
