I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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