until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
