do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
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