I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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