Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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