lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
