I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wear drunk well.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
