My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
