Im at strip club and am horny
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
