You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
