Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
