and she was petting her beer can
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
