I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
