he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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