You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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