I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
