dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
