On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
