my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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