ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
