why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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