Just cropdusted the office
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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