its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
