What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
