So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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