what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
