We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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