She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
