I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
