yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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