Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
