So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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