I wish I could punch you in the face.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
