wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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