Don't you send me to vm
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
