i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
