Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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