Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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