spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No subtext here. People are naked.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
