Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
