I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
