They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
