i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
