Someone shit on the floor
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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