Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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