I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
