If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
