I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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