Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My dick has a subreddit
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
