Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
