If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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